Not everything this week was bad. June 20th, 2018 started out anxiety and anger ridden, but ended with a feeling of great accomplishment. Wednesday's are my days for skating lessons. I got to the rink and my coach Diana could see I was not myself. I let her know I was having a bad day and I would be fine after I started skating. We went over my one foot rolls, scissors, skating the opposite direction and then began focusing on backward skating. It would be the 2nd week of practicing backwards. By the end of our session, I was getting more comfortable, but still not keeping proper form because it's just so WEIRD lol. There is a group lesson after my session and the kids were arriving to start class. I had helped a 4 year old little girl the week before and promised her I would skate again during class this week.
I skated off the rink over to her and asked if she wanted to skate with me again, kids can change their minds so quickly. She agreed and once her mother got her skates on her tiny little feet, I took her hand and marched off onto the rink with her. We practiced marching around to get her comfortable on her skates. I don't know how many times we went around, but I kept talking to her and trying to get her to let go of my hand but she was scared. I allowed her to hold my hand for as long as she needed. We marched for 5 steps and then rolled along. The coach had us all line up against the wall about 30 minutes into the lesson and then gave everyone a skill to practice. I was to take my little friend over to a circle on the rink and march around the circle with her. Surprisingly, the little girl let go of my hand as we marched over to the circle! She marched around the circle, marching and rolling and we changed directions, she was doing so well. I encouraged and congratulated her for doing it all by herself. By then end of the session her smile was wide and her parents were grateful, so was my coach. I had gotten this little girl to do something she was unable to do for weeks. That made me feel proud. I don't even know how I did it.
After the session ended, I ate my dinner and asked John (a ref) if he could put my new bearings in my skates. He agreed and while he was working on them, I was dancing around and laughing with another friend, Alyssa who is 11. The Cupid Shuffle came on and I had her live video me dancing to it in front of the skate rental. My skates were finished, I got out on the rink and felt the difference in the speed and stability with my new bearings. It makes such a difference. I skated around for about and hour before they kicked us off the rink to do backward skate. That was interesting. I went out because I need to practice and stayed close to the wall. I made it around scissoring backward two times! TWO. That's a first for me. The DJ stopped us and said we were going to to backward skate in the reverse direction. I was talking to myself, "Wait, WHAT? I have to do this again but the wrong direction?!" I shrugged and said, "Whatever, I'm supposed to practice." Turned around and starting skating again. I got about half way around when I looked up and an older gentleman was skating in a diagonal line toward me. I screamed "I'm behind you!", but this guy was so into the skate and his dancing that before I knew it, his right tricep was greeting my left jawline and I was falling forward onto the ground. A few people were rushing over to check on me and I kept saying I was fine, I just was to finish skating. This man, Ray, apologized and then grabbed both of my hands as I started to skate backward again talking to me. He kept saying he was sorry and I said it was fine. Backward skate ended and we turned around and talked for another few minutes. I learned he was visiting a friend in the area and that he was from upstate New York. He wanted a picture with me before the night was over.
I continued to skate, catching up with some of the people I have met over the past few months. One of them is Spoon, he and his son are amazing freestyle skaters. I like skating with Spoon because I get to skate with someone who looks like the are literally floating along on the rink. He asked me if I was okay and I told him I was, that I could take a punch. He kept seeing me balance on one foot and said that I am getting better. Every time I get a compliment I feel embarrassed. I'm not sure if it's because I don't feel like I am doing well or if it's because people are noticing me. I took a break after that and of course, one of my favorite songs comes on and they used it for the Shuffle Skate. I was sitting with Alyssa's mom and said that it sucked this song was for shuffling because I'm not good at it. She told me to get out there and practice, keep up with the ladies. I told her I couldn't do what they do and she said who cares, just stay with them and watch and do what you can. I listened to her and got out there trying to keep up with them. I couldn't, so I just started doing what I knew how to do by myself. It felt good to be out there practicing, even if I'm not as good as everyone else. I can so some things and that's enough for now.
When I get to the skating rink, the outside world disappears, I usually forget about my life outside of that building. I get lost. All of my anxiety and troubles seem to just fade away. I have fun and just melt away into the music and skate. I am so happy that I decided to go back to that rink by myself. I don't think I have been this happy in a very long time. Earlier, while Alyssa was live videoing, a friend named Andrew commented on the video. She asked me after, "Who's Andrew?" with a devilish smile and laugh. I said he was someone I've known for a long time an he used to work for me. She then said, "mmmh, hmmm." I told her it's not like that, he's very young and just a friend, I then said, "I don't want a boyfriend, I'm dating myself." She responded with, "Awww, you're lonely!" and gave me a hug. I said by no means am I lonely! I have friends and I have myself. I am very happy and I love everyday of my life and have fun every single day. This is the truth. It may be difficult for an 11 year old to understand this. I am at peace with myself and my circumstances.
I am trying to live my best life everyday, even if it's without the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
"Don't dream it, be it."
No comments:
Post a Comment