Forgiveness...

Have you ever had a cut and picked at the scab again and again? That's what it's feels like to harbor feelings of anger, resentment and revenge. Every time you pick at that scab it hurts, it bleeds and tries to heal until you rip it off again. The more you pick at it, the longer it takes to go away and the more it hurts and sometimes the bigger it gets. When it finally does heal, there is usually a scar. That's what it's feels like to never forgive someone.

I used to have a hard time forgiving people for wrongs that may have been done. I held grudges, wanted revenge, even made plans to get revenge on people. I used so much of my energy dwelling on past events, replaying the tape over and over causing more anger and resentment. Do you know what that can do to your soul? It makes you bitter, it eats you alive from the inside out. I believe in God and Karma. I think what you put out in the universe does come back to you, good or bad. Through the Al-Anon program, church and Brian (God rest his soul), I have been able to "Let go and let God." There have been some many occasions over the years where someone has bad mouthed the store, Brian or me or have done something to injure my very soul. I would get upset, saying it wasn't right and we should do something about it. Brian's response was always, "Let it go." That statement would make me so mad, sometimes to the point we would argue about it. He'd sit me down and have a rational conversation with me about how trying to get back at someone wasn't going to help us. By the time the talk ended, Brian would have knocked some sense into me. I'd let the issue go and in time, God/Karma would take care of the person. Why was Brian ALWAYS RIGHT?

The older I get, the more I realize how short life is. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life. Family, friends and my life partner have all been taken from me. There are sayings out there like "YOLO" & "Life is short to be anything but happy". I never fully comprehended this until last year. I made a decision in August of 2017 to start living life, before that I had just been existing. Before I could do that I had to forgive God for taking so much from me. I also needed to ask for forgiveness for being selfish and not thanking Him for blessing me with so much.

I believe in the Bible and Jesus Christ, I believe that He was sent to make the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. With this belief, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." I understand that Jesus Christ was sent to this world to cleanse us for the sins we have committed, providing the ultimate form of forgiveness. I have forgiven many people in my life by praying, I have repented for bearing feelings of resentment and asked God to help these people in their lives. Two wrongs don't make a right and being angry toward another person or people only hurts you in the long run. It allows these people to continue to have control over your life even if they aren't a part of it anymore. I have learned it is better to let go and let God take care of it than to brood over sins committed against you. I have compassion and empathy for these people knowing that they too have been broken in their lives and it may be why they hurt me. The more I practice this, the happier I am and it is easier to live my life free from the chains I place upon myself.

"Don't dream it, be it."