Honesty, Sincerity, Integrity

So, last night I realized something.  I am honest in my words, I am sincere in my actions and I have integrity.  Those things will get you pretty far in life.  I am surrounded in an industry in which people find it ok to lie, cheat and basically steal.  It sucks.  Some people lie about little things, others lie about big things.  It doesn't really matter what you are lying about really, because in the end people will find out what the truth REALLY is.
I can think of a about a half dozen people, right off the top of my head, that have lied to me about doing a bodybuilding, figure or fitness competition.  Men and women.  I am commend these people for trying to sculpt their bodies and get on stage almost NAKED, dieting the whole way and being miserable while doing it.  It is not an easy feat, it is a very difficult lifestyle and challenge.  BUT, what I don't like is when someone LIES right to my face and says they placed 1st, 2nd, 3rd OR EVEN 4th in these competitions.  If you are only competing against 1, 2 or 3 other people, BY DEFAULT YOU WILL PLACE!  WTF?  Really???  I have been disappointed by numerous people over the years who have looked me in the eye after I asked them how they did and they have said with PRIDE, "I placed 1st."  Never followed by, I was the only one on stage.  I have said congratulations to these people, have looked at them in AWE, because I don't think I could get over being half naked in front of a crowd of people I didn't know, while people were JUDGING ME and THEY WON.  But I was disappointed after doing a little recon to find out these people were competing against themselves OR a limited amount of people who weren't anywhere near competition ready.  How is that a competition?
I guess the only way to end this rant is to just say what my fiance always says, "The truth will come to the light."

Keep pushing forward...

The past few weeks haven't been easy at all, particularly last week. My fiancé has been sick and running the store is not easy for one person. I got to the gym ONCE but for the most part was able to control my eating. Even though it was crazy busy, I was able to make it through the week. I even slept in today, I missed yoga, which hasn't happened in weeks. I am not upset with myself. I think my body needed a rest from the daily beating in the gym. I just need to wake up in the morning and start my week out right, getting to the gym. Sometimes you fall off track, you just need to pick yourself up and get right back on. With that said, it's bedtime for this one! Goodnight!

Eating healthy...

Trying very hard to eat healthy every day. Pizza & pancakes, yum!

Consistency

I have been TRYING to be consistent with this blog, I have not been doing very well with it.  What sucks is I have time during the day to get my thoughts out, but haven't remembered to do it.  I am still holding strong with my diet and my workouts.  At least I have been consistent in that part of my life!  I am going to try to make my best effort to continue writing on here.  Off to the gym in a few!

"Don't dream it, be it."

Never quit.

So, today is the first day in about a month that I have felt like I am fighting a losing battle.  I have been on point with food and exercise and suddenly my body decides to retain a ridiculous amount of water pretty much OVERNIGHT.  I am frustrated to say the least.  How can I possibly continue to eat right and get to the gym everyday if my BODY is fighting my mind?  My fiance says to make an appointment with the doctor; I am not sure what good that will really do.  Honestly, he wants me to go to a doctor who uses mainstream and homeopathic treatments.  I still think that the doctors think I am crazy.
I know my body.  I see what is going on.  One week out of the month, I am leaner looking and not retaining an ass load of water.  I know I am losing too, but the scale has not budged since I started a month ago.  I was in tears this morning and I am trying to choke back the tears as I type this now.  I don't want to have my efforts go to waste.  I know that internally I am doing my body good, but I want it to reflect externally too.  Have I messed up my metabolism and hormones so much from the years of horrible eating, that my body is rebelling?  Seriously, what do I have to do?
I am weighing all my food for the next week or so.  I don't know what else I can do to change the way I look.  I estimated my food, maybe I was still overeating? I have no idea.  I don't know what to do.  I want to crawl under a rock and hide.

One thing I do know, is regardless of what my body is deciding for me, I am not going to quit.  I will win.  I am not going to let this drag me down and knock me off my course.  I have a serious goal in mind and I will get there no matter what I have to do.

"Don't dream it, be it."

I am not here to talk.

Again this morning, my alarm went off at 6:00 AM and I didn't want to get out of bed. I am tired, I want to sleep, but I got my ass out from under the covers and made my shake and went to the gym.

When I got there, one of the people I am friends with walked up to me and literally got in my face and said "What's up Dev?" and continued to walk right next to me. I was very angry. My response, "I'm BUSY." I don't have much time these days to spend in the gym. I work every day and I have regular life things to take care of. I have about an hour a day that I can take to workout. I may have sounded like a total bitch, but really, I am not in the gym to socialize. I am there to workout and leave. I will wave, I will nod, I will say hello, but to have a conversation or gossip is not a part of my gym routine.
I am done being nice, I am done letting people walk all over me. I am on a mission and I don't care. If you are in my way, I will let you know. If you are annoying me, I will tell you. I won't be rude about it, but I will straight up tell you. I am not sorry either, I am being honest. Just leave me alone and let me do me.

"Don't dream it, be it."

Winners never quit, quitters never win.

It has been almost 3 weeks since I have started my 2nd transformation.  I have been logging my food everyday and waking up in the morning and CURSING my alarm.  Even thought it goes off at 6AM, I still get my sorry ass out of bed.  I have started my 2 day a week 2 a day workouts too.  This is a huge accomplishment for me, since for the past two years I have made it to the gym at most 4 days a week.  I have gotten to the gym almost every day, except the few days I was sick.
The feeling you get knowing that in the end this will pay off is amazing.  When the alarm goes off, I don't want to get up.  I WANT to go back to sleep.  I WANT to just stay curled up under the warm blankets and pretend I didn't hear it.  BUT I DON'T.  I WANT to look my best and feel my best.  The difference in my mood is amazing.  I am happier and I have more energy.  Today is the first day that I have actually wanted a nap.  It's insane.
Brian, my fiance, has been encouraging, as he always is.  He notices the difference in my body.  I know I am losing, even if that God forsaken scale doesn't want to move.  I am eating what I need to eat every day, hitting my calorie count almost on the mark.  I will be better, I will do better, I will succeed.  I am a winner, I am not a quitter.

"Don't dream it, be it."