Lie: an intentionally false statement
Everyone tells a lie, some are small and some are big. Most of the time the truth in a situation can hurt another person and people will lie to try to protect that person and themselves. Other times, it seems easier to lie because a different story is easier to tell than the real one. Reality, "It's easier to tell the truth than to remember your lies." Brian always used to say that. He spent a majority of his life lying to people because of his addiction, sometimes to get what he wanted and other times to hide what he was doing. I will never forget a conversation we had when we first started dating. Brian told me out of respect, he would never lie to me even if the truth hurt me or himself. Our relationship was a very honest one. Neither one of us would sugar coat the truth, at the same time we were not hurtful when we spoke.
That saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is how I approach life. I have been put into situations where I try to navigate the waters. I always try to give the benefit of doubt and I am troubled by that. I don't want to be too forgiving and I also don't want to be cynical. The truth is something I value. I can respect an honest person for many reasons, especially that it shows a high level of maturity. Being able to talk about something that happened or the way you feel is never easy. Being vulnerable isn't a comfortable feeling and worrying about another person's reaction to events is an even more uneasy feeling. I know what it feels like to be lied to and it hurts. I've also lied to others and know there is a burden and level of guilt that you carry and weighs you down like a brick.
"For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light." That is a bible verse which has been stuck in my head for over a decade. More often than not humans try to justify their deceit, often listing unrealistic reasons for their actions. Over the years, I feel like I have matured and learned enough coping skills to react to most situations I am in. I don't fly off the handle, yell and scream, belittle other people or lash out in a physical way. I now assess the facts, think about what I want to say and try to have a civilized conversation. Not long ago, I found myself deeply hurt by news that I heard about someone extremely close to me. My friend didn't tell me what was going on because were worried about my reaction, they waited and waited. I innocently found out from someone else and waited a few days for my initial anger to subside before having a conversation. When I confronted my friend, I was told they were going to tell me about it but were "waiting for the right time". I ended that conversation with, "I need some time to reflect on what just happened. It is probably better if we don't talk for awhile." About two weeks later, my friend reached out to me, apologizing again and telling me how hard it was to not have the ability to speak with me. I agreed that I wanted to have them in my life but also told my friend we needed to continue to communicate and be honest with each other. Our friendship is now stronger because of this.
Sometimes telling the truth, as horrible as it may be, is better than lying. Every lie can be forgiven but every bridge cannot be mended. You may have to forgive someone for hurting you, but not forget what they did. Doing this may set you free and allow others in the future to see how to treat you differently.
"Don't dream it...be it."
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