Comfortable Being Uncomfortable...

As I've said in the past, this journey was planned to start in 2017, with Brian. We had a long conversation about what we wanted not only for ourselves, but the store as well. The idea was to show how even with all of the knowledge we had, we too got lost on the track with our health and wellness. A lot had changed since our entry into the fitness industry and social media became a large part of the world. Brian & I discussed how we could utilize this to motivate people, to hold ourselves accountable and use it for advertising for the store as well. The decision at the end of the discussion was we would document our progress, good and bad, on social media.

Fast forward 2 years, it's now 2019 and I've been applying this plan to my life. It's been a year since I've re-started my weight loss/fitness path. I have been more focused on the goal than ever before, without the support that was there in the past. I've been relying on memories and voices in my head to keep me motivated each and everyday. Life has not been easy by any means, there is still a lot of stress and more reasons than ever for me to deviate from my plan. Everyday is a struggle, a battle to fight the demons in my head from taking over and sabotaging the hard work and effort I have put in, to keep me in the "bad neighborhood" of my mind. Then I remember why I started. I owe it to myself and Brian to continue down the path I chose. I recently told someone, "Everything I do is for Brian, to honor his memory and commitment to wanting to see me happy."

One struggle I still have is documenting this journey. Each time I take my phone out to shoot a video or take a picture, I have a mini panic attack. I am so uncomfortable with the thought of posting "selfies" for many reasons. Although I have resigned myself to doing it, I still don't enjoy the process. Over the past couple of months, I have started to REALLY not care what people think even if I'm uncomfortable with shooting these pictures and videos. I have been going live on Facebook and Instagram to post about new products or re-stocking the store and doing videos of me working out in the gym or teaching spin class and of course roller skating. The more I post pictures or do the videos, the more feedback I have been getting from people. 

This morning I stopped at the Stafford Diner for a second breakfast and ran into Ed, he and I have become friends over the past few years. I met him a the counter when I was hanging out at the diner on a regular basis. He started coming to my spin class last summer and has been one of my regulars on Monday evenings. I had asked him if he saw my live video on trying to do the Cotton Eyed Joe on roller skates yesterday, he hadn't. I pulled the video up and he watched, laughing with me because it wasn't very graceful. After we finished watching and giggling, he turned to me and said, "Keep posting your videos, they are motivating." That made my heart happy and brought a big smile to my face. Again, the whole point of posting on social media was to motivate others to get out and get moving and to show them that if I could get healthy and find happiness ANYONE COULD! 

Another place I am a little uncomfortable is at the skating rink. When I first started lessons and was being taught how to balance and do new things, the coach would tell me to practice in the middle during the open sessions. I told her flat out NO. She asked why I i explained that I don't feel comfortable going into the middle because people would be staring at me and I didn't like that. Her response was, "Who cares! You need to practice so you can get better. That's how you're going to do it." I'm fine when I am in the crowd skating around or shuffling. I don't notice people because I'm so lost in what I'm doing, whether it's singing or shuffling or both! My focus is just on finding a hole to get through and not killing myself hahaha! Over the past month or so, I have been going into the middle with Scott, Meredith & Iggy at Jackson and Larry, Dion, Wayne & Larry at Mays Landing. I've been finding myself in the middle more that just skating in a circle because I just want to learn how to dance on my skates right now. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I don't have a routine, I just go out there ask questions and then try to practice what I've been taught. On days I am by myself, I do go out and just practice now. I think about the times the coach told me that's what I needed to do and just say, "Fuck it, I don't care what people think. I'm never going to get better if I don't practice." Most of the time, I'm not graceful, extremely stiff and I almost fall on my butt or face. But you know what? I am never going to learn or get better if I don't keep trying. I still have a hard time relaxing, especially when it's something new that I've learned. I concentrate too hard on what I'm doing instead of just letting my feet and body move. Eventually I will get out of my head and everything will just become second nature, just like skating around the rink has. I just need time to get over the fact that I'm doing something completely different.

The bottom line is that no matter what facet of your life you are trying to excel in, you need to step outside of your comfort zone. You are never going to better yourself or gain new skills staying inside your comfortable bubble. Walk into a restaurant all by yourself and eat dinner, join a gym you don't know anyone at, say hello to a stranger who smiles at you, ask someone who knows what their doing how to do what they do, try something you've wanted to do but have be scared to death to do. You will never lead your best life if you don't try to do something new. I have been trying new things all the time and it makes me frustrated sometimes, but for the most part I feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment when I am able to master a new skill. I feel like nothing can stop me now.

"Don't dream it, be it."