Well, some of you have seen my before and after pictures. It has been a long time coming, but I wasn't always this way. I grew up an active kid, always riding bikes and playing outside jump rope, hide and seek, manhunt...etc. I was never overweight as a child. My mom and dad always portioned out my food, I always joke with my fiance, Brian that I am gunna give myself the "M & M" portion...my mom would just cover the bottom of the bowl (with the bowl showing through LOL). I wasn't allowed to eat whatever I wanted...just what was given to me. I weighed 125-135 lbs all through high school.
BUT at this point in my life, I was driving a limousine and not doing any kind of activity at all. Sitting in a car driving to airports at all hours of the day and night with the extent of my activity being walking into a rest area or an airport to pick someone up. Most days I woke up early (1,2 or 3 AM) and didn't eat breakfast...then stopped at McDonalds, Dunkin' Donuts EVEN White Castle, yes WHITE CASTLE, 4 or 5 hours AFTER WAKING UP. I still to this day can tell you where every fast food restaurant or diner is along the ride to Philadelphia Airport, Newark Airport, Atlantic City Airport, JFK OR LaGuardia!
I really don't know how I let myself get to that point. My job was killing me, literally. And I made excuses all day everyday on why I couldn't eat a homemade meal. EVERY excuse. And that is exactly what they were, EXCUSES. I was so tired from the crappy food and working long hours that I didn't have time to make any REAL food. RIGHT?! NO. I could have easily made dinner or breakfast. I was married to someone who didn't cook (he made me mac & cheese one day and messed it up. It was out of a box! From that day forward he was not allowed to cook for me!) and he was not in the least bit concerned about what I looked like or felt like or cared about his or my health.
In 2003, I was in between an airport drop off/pick up @ Philadelphia Airport on a Saturday afternoon and had time to kill. I went to a shopping center not far from the airport. There was a Fashion Bug there and they were having a huge sale because it was Labor Day weekend. I tried on a bunch of clothes, mostly shirts. I literally broke down into tears in the dressing room and didn't buy ANYTHING. Nothing fit at all and I didn't want to keep going up in sizes. I was so angry and upset with myself I looked in the mirror, face beat red and make-up smeared from crying and said "I am going to join Curves tomorrow". That was a start.
The next day (Sunday) I went to the Super Fresh parking lot in Manahawkin and was ready to sign up...they were closed. I said I am coming here tomorrow. I did, and they were closed. This was not going well, but I was determined! I went on Tuesday evening signed up, got weighed and measured and did my first EVER workout. I was 196 lbs. I yo-yo'd with my weight but was able to get back down to 165-170 lbs and stay there. I went 3 days a week faithfully for a year and a half...then I don't know what happened. In 2005, just before my 2 year anniversary of joining, I stopped going. I didn't just fall out of going, I STOPPED.
By October of that same year...I had GAINED. No exercise back to old eating habits...it was a disaster. After the holidays...I was 210 lbs a size 22 pants and XXL shirts. I was so angry. I made a New Year's resolution (like God knows how many other people) that I was going to join a gym. January 19, 2006, I did just that. I joined The Ocean Club in Manahawkin and hired a personal trainer...Jordan. It was the greatest decision of my life.
I started training with Jordan 2 days a week. When we sat down in the trainer office the first day we met I was so nervous. Jordan was young and very fit. I was a fat girl, so out of shape. I wouldn't even let him weigh and measure me because I was so embarrassed (BIG MISTAKE, wish I would have...I would have had all my measurements now). We set goals, short term and long term, all goals that would be achievable To this day I remember him asking me what size I wanted to be because he didn't believe in setting a "weight goal" because it wasn't realistic. I would be putting on muscle and losing at the same time and I would probably be heavier on the scale but look better. So I immediately said I would LOVE to be a size 6, but I think an 8 or a 10 would be great because my hips were to wide to ever fit in such a small size. I have never had kids or even been pregnant! What an idiot I was....LOL! But he wrote 8/10 on the paper as my long term goal. Short term goals were eating better, getting to the gym more...etc. Just small things to try to achieve before reaching the big goal, it always gave me something to work at aside from the weight loss.
I really don't know how I let myself get to that point. My job was killing me, literally. And I made excuses all day everyday on why I couldn't eat a homemade meal. EVERY excuse. And that is exactly what they were, EXCUSES. I was so tired from the crappy food and working long hours that I didn't have time to make any REAL food. RIGHT?! NO. I could have easily made dinner or breakfast. I was married to someone who didn't cook (he made me mac & cheese one day and messed it up. It was out of a box! From that day forward he was not allowed to cook for me!) and he was not in the least bit concerned about what I looked like or felt like or cared about his or my health.
In 2003, I was in between an airport drop off/pick up @ Philadelphia Airport on a Saturday afternoon and had time to kill. I went to a shopping center not far from the airport. There was a Fashion Bug there and they were having a huge sale because it was Labor Day weekend. I tried on a bunch of clothes, mostly shirts. I literally broke down into tears in the dressing room and didn't buy ANYTHING. Nothing fit at all and I didn't want to keep going up in sizes. I was so angry and upset with myself I looked in the mirror, face beat red and make-up smeared from crying and said "I am going to join Curves tomorrow". That was a start.
The next day (Sunday) I went to the Super Fresh parking lot in Manahawkin and was ready to sign up...they were closed. I said I am coming here tomorrow. I did, and they were closed. This was not going well, but I was determined! I went on Tuesday evening signed up, got weighed and measured and did my first EVER workout. I was 196 lbs. I yo-yo'd with my weight but was able to get back down to 165-170 lbs and stay there. I went 3 days a week faithfully for a year and a half...then I don't know what happened. In 2005, just before my 2 year anniversary of joining, I stopped going. I didn't just fall out of going, I STOPPED.
By October of that same year...I had GAINED. No exercise back to old eating habits...it was a disaster. After the holidays...I was 210 lbs a size 22 pants and XXL shirts. I was so angry. I made a New Year's resolution (like God knows how many other people) that I was going to join a gym. January 19, 2006, I did just that. I joined The Ocean Club in Manahawkin and hired a personal trainer...Jordan. It was the greatest decision of my life.
I started training with Jordan 2 days a week. When we sat down in the trainer office the first day we met I was so nervous. Jordan was young and very fit. I was a fat girl, so out of shape. I wouldn't even let him weigh and measure me because I was so embarrassed (BIG MISTAKE, wish I would have...I would have had all my measurements now). We set goals, short term and long term, all goals that would be achievable To this day I remember him asking me what size I wanted to be because he didn't believe in setting a "weight goal" because it wasn't realistic. I would be putting on muscle and losing at the same time and I would probably be heavier on the scale but look better. So I immediately said I would LOVE to be a size 6, but I think an 8 or a 10 would be great because my hips were to wide to ever fit in such a small size. I have never had kids or even been pregnant! What an idiot I was....LOL! But he wrote 8/10 on the paper as my long term goal. Short term goals were eating better, getting to the gym more...etc. Just small things to try to achieve before reaching the big goal, it always gave me something to work at aside from the weight loss.
A few months in I had dropped 20, 25 and then 30 lbs. For those of you who know me....I WAS still married. My husband of close to 9 years was not supportive of my efforts in any way. He joined the gym with me and bought training sessions that I took and used instead because he never went. I had motivation from people around me at the gym and my biggest motivation was BRIAN. He had come back into my life after close to 10 years of not seeing him. He was one of my best friends in high school, but that is a whole other story...maybe some other time. He was there every day encouraging me to go to the gym and watch my body change. He was making me try foods that I would have never eaten in a million years! He actually got me to be more conscious of what I was putting into my body.
Brian also made me realize something....I was miserable. Not only was I miserable, but I was also eating myself to death. Even with all the working out I was still binge eating and destroying all of the hard work I was doing in the gym. Brian pointed out that I was a FOOD ADDICT. Brian, being an addict himself (again, that's another story) explained to me that I was making excuses for why I couldn't make better food choices. I will never forget him saying to me "JUSTIFICATION AND DENIAL". He started explaining "The Program" to me and pointing out my behaviors. OMG, I realized after a very short period of time, I WAS AN ADDICT. Every time something happened in my life, good or bad, I ATE. Food was my reward and my sympathy, it was my comfort for EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD. The first thing he taught me was "The Serenity Prayer".
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
The serenity prayer was just the beginning. He also started explaining "The 12 Steps".
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
WOW. Huge realization....I kinda let food rule my life. Yes, I LET FOOD RULE MY LIFE. I was addicted to food. Sounds kinda weird, since you need food to SURVIVE. But, I let the wrong kind of food rule my life. I ate crap food, still hadn't made great progress on my diet. But after that...I started to open my eyes and change my eating...by the end of 2006, I had dropped 60 LBS (and the husband). I was weighing 150-155 lbs depending on when you caught me! But my body was different, I was much more muscular and had a lot less body fat...but I reached my long term goal...I was a size 8!
Brian also made me realize something....I was miserable. Not only was I miserable, but I was also eating myself to death. Even with all the working out I was still binge eating and destroying all of the hard work I was doing in the gym. Brian pointed out that I was a FOOD ADDICT. Brian, being an addict himself (again, that's another story) explained to me that I was making excuses for why I couldn't make better food choices. I will never forget him saying to me "JUSTIFICATION AND DENIAL". He started explaining "The Program" to me and pointing out my behaviors. OMG, I realized after a very short period of time, I WAS AN ADDICT. Every time something happened in my life, good or bad, I ATE. Food was my reward and my sympathy, it was my comfort for EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD. The first thing he taught me was "The Serenity Prayer".
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
The serenity prayer was just the beginning. He also started explaining "The 12 Steps".
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
WOW. Huge realization....I kinda let food rule my life. Yes, I LET FOOD RULE MY LIFE. I was addicted to food. Sounds kinda weird, since you need food to SURVIVE. But, I let the wrong kind of food rule my life. I ate crap food, still hadn't made great progress on my diet. But after that...I started to open my eyes and change my eating...by the end of 2006, I had dropped 60 LBS (and the husband). I was weighing 150-155 lbs depending on when you caught me! But my body was different, I was much more muscular and had a lot less body fat...but I reached my long term goal...I was a size 8!
I had also taken the first step...I admitted I was powerless over food - that my life had become unmanageable. I WAS NOT GOING TO LET FOOD RULE MY LIFE ANYMORE.
"Don't dream it, be it."
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