I have a lot of control over, things I can take action in and make happen. Then there are the events that are out of my control...
Sometimes I feel like I set myself up for disaster, it's as if I put myself into a situation that is doomed from the beginning. There are many times I ask myself "Why me?". Whether it's a business decision, friends I've made or anything really, I usually take a step back when I've had to ask myself why something is happening. My life hasn't been the easiest, especially the past four to five years. When Brian passed away, I almost jumped on the self-pity train. That ride would have brought me to a very different place today. Instead, I started to think logically. I realized that I made a decision. I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to started a relationship with a long time addict, an addict who told me in the first six months of our relationship that he would not survive past the age of 40. I was forewarned and knew regardless of a relapse, there were serious health issues associated with the years of drug and alcohol abuse.When I arrived at that train station in the days after Brian's death, I had a choice of where I wanted to go. The schedule was overwhelming and I was filled with anxiety. Instead of buying a ticket for the pity train, I decided to move forward in a positive direction. The thing that kept me motivated and still does to this day is (and probably always will be) that Brian wanted nothing more for me than happiness. I learned how to do things by myself, I found the strength to continue to move forward in my life even if I didn't know what direction I was headed. My life is far from perfect, I have a lot of problems just like everyone else in the world. The difference is I face the day not asking "Why me" but saying "Why NOT!".
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| "Don't dream it...be it." |
