I Struggle With Life...

I am not sure where I will be going with this post.  Things have been overwhelmingly stressful for months.  Between the store, teaching, personal training and my own actual daily life...I am not sure how I am still functioning. I have this goal of competing, but each day that goal seems to be slipping further and further away from me.  It is extremely hard to balance everything going on right now and I am that person that puts everything else before my own needs and wants.  But, in my defense, as much as I WANT to compete, it isn't a NECESSITY.  Competing is a goal, a check mark for my "bucket list", it really isn't something that I HAVE to do.  I realize this.
Waking up between 4:30 & 5:00 every morning and going to bed between 10:30 & 11:30 at night is very tiresome.  I don't have kids, I don't have pets...it's just me, Brian and the store.  My day isn't just sitting around chatting with people about supplements, throwing together a playlist for spin and just beating the hell out of a client I am training.  There is paperwork that needs to be done, orders that need to be made and then put away, bills that need to be paid at home and our store, programs that need to be put together for spin, training sessions that need to be unique for each person and their injuries, limitations and goals...not to mention dealing with the public all day is a mental roller coaster.  When you see anywhere from 10-30 people at day and hear all about the good and bad things happening in their lives, it's A LOT to take in.  My brain can only take so much.
Most people look at our life and only see the good, they see the store and us working everyday.  But what they fail to realize is that we struggle just like everyone else, we struggle with money, with struggle with bills, we struggle with our health, we struggle in our relationship.  One of the things that makes our store and our relationship different is the fact that both of us have had to struggle to get to where we are.  Brian is a recovering addict who is not perfect by any means.  He has his battle with addiction which is a fight that doesn't ever end.  As for myself, I battle each day to never return to that 210 lb woman from 8 years ago.  Being able to maintain my weight for the past few years is amazing.
With everything that has been going on in our lives, one thought keeps going through my mind.  I am like you.  I struggle everyday to wake up and do the right thing.  I struggle to not be lazy.  I struggle to eat the right portions.  I struggle to make sure I get to the gym.  I struggle to lose the extra fat on my body. I struggle to keep my relationship healthy.  I struggle with money.  I struggle with bills.

I STRUGGLE WITH LIFE.

Despite this, I still wake up everyday with the hope and drive that today is a new day.  I can start over, yesterday is gone and I can learn from my mistakes.  Eventually, there will be a time when I can work on the goal of competing.  For whatever reason, that time isn't now.

"Don't dream it, be it."